Teacher: What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
Student: A father-in-law
Teacher: Why are the Irish so wealthy?
Student: Their capital is always Dublin!
Teacher: What did the baby computer say when he saw his father?
Student: Data
Teacher: Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke?
Student: It might crack up!
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A man and his wife go to the doctor's office. After the doctor sees him he calls in his wife and she asks "Is my husband okay Doctor?"
The doctor replies "Well, he will be if you do everything I say. You have to prepare all of his meals for him every day. You also have to do all of his chores, never nag at him, and most importantly you must massage him three times a day. Do this for about a year and he will live."
Later in the car the husband asks his wife what the doctor said and she replies "He said you were going to die."