I saw a poster today; somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said that I didn’t. I like to help where I can.
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Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Michael: The good news.
Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.
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A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, “Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours at least!” “Yeah, well, it was a wrong number.”
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I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics. Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.
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Father: “So what are you doing today?”
Son: “Nothing.”
Father: “What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!”
Son: “That’s right, and I’m not finished yet.”