An old man, who seems to have lost his memory, told his wife: “I have to go to my doctor’s appointment now. I’ll see you later.”
After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television. A news report came announced that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction. Knowing it was the route he would be on, she called to warn him: “Honey, there’s a car going in the wrong direction!”
The husband replied: “They’re all going in the wrong direction!”
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The captain of a cruise ship had a parrot. Him and his parrot used to go to the magic show on board every night, and every night the parrot would call the magician out on his trickery: “It’s up his sleeve!”, “There is a hole in his hat!”, “There’s a fake bottom!”
So finally, one day the magician got so fed up with the parrot that he pulled out a gun, and shot at the bird, but the bullet missed the target and hit the boiler. This caused the ship to blow up into bits.
The magician grabbed onto a piece of floating wood while the parrot landed on his shoulder. The parrot looked at him and said: “I give up, where’s the boat?”
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Two women were standing on opposite sides of a river. One yelled to the other: “How did you get to the other side!”
The other replied: “Don’t ask me, you’re the one on the other side.”