Doctor: "You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand calories per day!”
Patient: "Before or after meals?”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"
Student: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door and asks: "And, is he asleep?”
Little Jonny answers: "Yes, finally.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?
Why?
It looks like it caught a virus.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------