A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”
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A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
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Husband brings a child home from kindergarten without properly noticing the child, and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?’”
“No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our son.”
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Two fortune tellers meet. First one says, “We’re going to have a hot summer again.” The second one sighs happily: “Yes, it reminds me of the summer in 2092…”
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A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”
The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”
The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”