A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word."
The mathematician accepts the challenge and they switch places for the next speech; the driver dresses like the professor and the professor dresses as the driver and sits in the back of the auditorium.
The driver gives the speech flawlessly and opens up the floor for question, usually there are none. But one of the students at the university has a very large ego and decides to attempt to stump the Nobel Prize winner.
After the student asks his question for ten straight minutes the driver laughs and says "That question is so simple I'll let my driver in the back answer it."
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An old couple is sitting on their couch and the woman asks her husband "If I die will you get married again."
The husband replies "Well I don't want to be lonely... So yes."
His wife shoots him a dirty look and says "Will you live in our house?"
The husband replies "Well it's already paid off... So yes."
His wife is extremely mad at this point. She asks him "Will she use my golf clubs?!"
The husband replies "Oh no... She's left handed."