A wife texts her husband while he is at work saying “Windows frozen.”
He responds “Pour some room temperature water over it.”
She texts him “No longer frozen, computers dead.”

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A tree walks into a bank and asks for a loan. The teller says, “You’ll have to speak to our branch manager.”

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A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.
What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?
The railroad engineer replied.
How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?