A woman goes to a shoe store and wants to buy some alligator shoes, but becomes angry when she sees the price. She storms out of the store saying, "I'm going to catch an alligator and get my own pair of shoes!" The shopkeeper laughs as he watches her leave.
Later as the shopkeeper is driving home, he sees the woman in a swamp on the side of the road. A 10-foot alligator is swimming right at her but she swiftly knocks the alligator out. She drags it onto some grass where there are a dozen other knocked out alligators. She flips it over and yells, "Ah! This one's barefoot too!"

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Two women are standing on opposite sides of a river. One yells to the other, "How did you get to the other side!"
The other one reply; "Don't ask me, you're the one on the other side."

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John asked his friend, "How's everything?"
His friend replied, "I'm just happy to be breathing."
John said, "You should have bigger aspirations bro."

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